Dying with cancer
Looking after someone in the last weeks of life can be a huge emotional and physical challenge. It’s important to take time for yourself and get support.
It can be devastating when you find out that someone close to you will die. Even if you were expecting to hear the news, it could still come as a big shock.
You might feel angry, sad or guilty. You could also feel frightened about how it will happen and if you will cope. But you might also have a sense of relief in some ways. Now you know what is going on, you can focus on making your time together as special as possible.
For most carers, the hardest part is thinking about how it will affect the person with cancer. You might worry that they will be in pain, feel sick, or be breathless. You might have concerns that they will get very anxious and depressed.
It's natural to wonder whether you will be able to support them through this time. But you are likely to be more of a support than you realise. And you don't have to do it on your own, there is help available.
As a carer, you will need time to let the news sink in. It’s important to allow yourself this time. You can try to get your thoughts and emotions together and think about the help and support you might need.
The best thing to do is try and focus on what you can do to help. Tell the person you’re caring for how you are feeling. Share your fears and let them know that you're there to love and support them as much as you can.
Being a carer can be emotionally and physically exhausting. At times it may feel extremely difficult, and you may wonder how you'll cope. This is a very natural response.
Some people feel guilty if it feels like hard work at times. This doesn't mean that you don't love or care for the person with cancer. It just means that you are human. Like everyone else, you'll have your good and bad days when things are tough.
Other people can help you. Where you can, use the support from:
doctors and nurses
psychologists and social workers
palliative care services
friends and relatives
You can’t do everything alone. Most carers will need some help along the way. So don’t be afraid to ask for help from any of them when you need it.
Carers UK provides information and emotional support through their helpline and website.
They can give you practical advice on:
supporting yourself
getting support from other carers
where to get financial help
housing and equipment
where to get help in your area
Most carers find it very hard to take time to look after themselves. This is because they are so busy caring for the person with cancer that they forget to care for themselves. But this is very important. Most carers cope better if they take some time out from looking after the person with cancer's needs. Try not to feel guilty about this, you need to be cared for too.
Keeping yourself well physically will help you to cope emotionally. Try to pick up on signs that you’re feeling tired, hungry, or just plain fed up.
Take an hour or two to:
go out and get some fresh air
have something nice to eat and drink
take a shower or a soak in the bath
lie down
meet or phone a friend to chat about how you feel
Organise friends to come and sit with the person you’re caring for if you’re worried about leaving them on their own. You can also ask for help from volunteers through palliative care services. Ask your specialist community nurse or GP about this.
Let the person with cancer know when you are leaving and when you'll be back. This will stop them from getting anxious and allows you to go, knowing they feel safe.
Caring for yourself will also benefit the person with cancer. It will help them see you have a break and know that you’re looking after yourself.
Last reviewed: 13 Jan 2025
Next review due: 13 Jan 2028
In the last weeks of life there are ways to manage your symptoms and keep you comfortable. It can help carers to know what might happen in the final days.
Emotional and practical support can be a great help to you and your carers when you are dying.
When someone is dying with cancer, they and their carers can get help and support. This information might help at a very emotional and difficult time.
Coping with cancer can be difficult. There is help and support available. Find out about the emotional, physical and practical effects of cancer and how to manage them.
Cancer affects family and friends too. Get tips on how to support someone with cancer and how to take care of yourself.
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