How cancer can affect your sexuality and sex life

Practical issues include worries about your job or money, or problems with everyday activities such as picking children up from school or shopping. These problems can be very stressful.

If your cancer means you have to stop work, you still need a regular income to pay your bills and any extra costs relating to your illness. If you have to deal with the stress of not having enough money, it can cause a lot of conflict within relationships and intimacy can suffer.

Cancer symptoms and treatment side effects can sometimes make it very difficult to keep up your normal daily routine, especially if you have children. At times you might have to organise other people to look after them. You might be concerned about how your cancer is affecting your children. Or you might have to ask close friends and family to help out with your shopping and cooking.

It can be hard to find energy or desire to be intimate with a partner if practical issues are worrying you. It might all just feel too overwhelming to try to relax and enjoy sexual activity. But it is very important to try and talk to your partner about your concerns. And find ways to sort through any problems.

Try to find a quiet time together when you can talk openly and honestly about your worries. Listen to each other and try to find solutions to your problems. Even though it might be difficult to stay calm and talk about problems in a rational manner, you might be surprised at how much it helps. It might even bring you closer together.

Find out more about coping with cancer

Your self esteem is the way you feel about yourself. Cancer and its treatment can change this. This might be because of physical changes to your body or it might be about less obvious changes.

The intense emotions that cancer can cause might also lower your self esteem. You might feel that you have lost some of your independence and can't do things you used to enjoy.

You might feel so tired and worried that activities you used to find easy now seem too difficult to do. Your future plans might have to be put on hold. You might begin to feel you have no control over your life. All these things can make you feel less confident about who you are and what you do. Having confidence and a healthy self esteem are very important to us all. They play a big part in our sexuality and sex life.

Self esteem also means self satisfaction, self respect and self worth. Many factors can affect these feelings, including illnesses such as cancer that threaten your physical health. Having a low self esteem can affect your quality of life. It can cause long term problems such as depression and anxiety. You are less likely to feel intimate and sexual, if you feel depressed or anxious.

It can be very difficult to boost your self esteem when you feel so low. But there are things that you can do. The most important thing is to talk to someone about how you are feeling. This can be relative or friend, or your doctor or nurses. Just talking about your feelings can help you to feel better.

Give yourself some time to come to terms with all you have been through. It will take time to raise your confidence and self esteem again. But it is possible.

Get information on your emotions and cancer

Cancer treatment can also change how you see yourself in more obvious ways. Changes in how you feel about your body may not directly affect your ability to have sex. But they can definitely make you feel less sexual. 

These can include the following.

Removing a part of your body such as your:

• breast

• womb

• vagina

• vulva

• cervix

• testicle

Surgery or radiotherapy to a part of your body such as your:​

• genitals

• bladder

• head and neck

Changes in your body such as:​

• hair loss (from chemotherapy or radiotherapy)

• losing weight

• gaining weight from taking drugs such as steroids 

• change of hormone levels from hormonal treatments

• changes to your face

• scarring

• having a colostomy or urostomy (an opening of the bowel or urine system onto the tummy, a bag then collects the poo or wee)

Some of these changes can be temporary. Your hair will grow back after chemotherapy. You might put on weight when taking steroids, but lose it again when your treatment is finished. It might only be a matter of time before you get back to what is normal for you.

Some people believe their past sex life has helped cause their cancer. This worry or guilt can make future sexual activity difficult. Many people with worries like these find it helpful to talk to someone about their fears.

Some people have a feeling of being unclean after treatment. It is important to acknowledge how powerful these feelings can be. It might be helpful to talk your fears through with a sympathetic person who can reassure you.

You will need to come to terms with the changes to your body if your treatment effects are more permanent, such as having a breast removed or having a permanent colostomy. Some people find this more difficult than others, and it might take some time. It might help to talk to other people who have been through the same thing. Counselling might help to explore your feelings in more depth.

Get tips on coping emotionally

Cancer can change you physically and cause many emotions such as fear, depression and anger. These intense feelings might also affect how you feel about sex and about yourself.

You might find that you look at the world differently after having cancer. Some people find they can use cancer as a new beginning. However your outlook on life changes, you and the people close to you will need time to get used to it.